By Brian Hendricks
Hey there, seniors! By now you’ve probably had, or overheard, at least a few conversations that go something like this:
“So, where are you applying?”
“Did you hear where [insert name here] is going?”
“My cousin applied to all these Ivies. What about you?”
And let’s be real—sometimes it feels like the college process is everyone’s favorite topic. Whether it’s friends, family members, or even random people you barely know, college talk can follow you everywhere.
Parents, I know you’re equally invested in this journey, but it’s important to strike a balance. The goal is to support your student without overwhelming them during this process, especially over the holidays! We dive into some parent-specific tips below.
So, how do you navigate all the buzz without losing sight of what really matters? Here are some ideas:
For Students
The Comparison Trap: Friends, Family, and Frenzy
It’s natural to compare where you, your friends, or even your siblings are applying to college. Some of you might have similar schools on your list, while others are going in totally different directions. Here’s the thing: everyone’s path is different. Your college search is like a fingerprint—completely unique to you!
Your best friend might be applying to huge universities in the middle of bustling cities, while you’re more drawn to small colleges with close-knit communities. Maybe your cousin is set on applying to the same school where all your family members went, but you’re eager to carve out your own path. That’s great! What matters is that your list reflects your needs, your goals, and what feels right to you.
So, while it’s cool to chat about schools with your friends or family, don’t let their choices sway your own decisions. The goal isn’t to attend the most prestigious school in your friend group or go where your parents went—it’s to find the place that fits you best.
The Endless Questions: How to Handle College Talk
Now, what about all those people who keep asking you about the college process? I get it, it’s exhausting. Whether it’s during family dinners, holiday gatherings, or even casual run-ins, it feels like everyone wants to know the latest updates on where you’re applying, where you’ve been accepted, and what your “top choice” is.
Here’s some advice: set boundaries and keep it simple. It’s perfectly okay to say something like, “I’m still figuring things out, but I’m excited about my options!” You don’t owe anyone a detailed breakdown of your college list or how stressed you are about your applications. If you want to share more, great! But if not, a short answer is totally fine.
And don’t forget—your college search is your business. You get to decide who to update and when.
For Parents
How to Minimize Stress Over the Holidays
The holidays are a great time to check in with your student about their college plans, but be mindful of how often the topic comes up. While your questions and advice come from a place of love and support, too much college talk can sometimes feel overwhelming for students, especially when everyone else seems to have an opinion.
Here are a few tips to keep things positive:
- Set aside time for college conversations. Instead of bringing it up casually throughout the day, schedule time to discuss applications, deadlines, and decisions. This way, students can mentally prepare for the conversation and won’t feel caught off guard.
- Be a listener. Let your student share what they’re excited (or stressed) about without jumping in and offering suggestions right away. Sometimes, they just need a sounding board.
- Focus on fit, not prestige. Remind your student that the right school for them is the one where they’ll thrive—not necessarily the one with the biggest name.
- Enjoy the non-college moments. The holidays are a great time to step away from the stress of applications and enjoy family time, so don’t forget to balance the college talk with some fun, stress-free moments.
For Parents and Students
The Bigger Picture: It’s All About Fit
At the end of the day, the name on your sweatshirt doesn’t define your future. Whether you attend a big state school, a small liberal arts college, or anything in between, what really matters is that it’s a good fit for YOU.
Are the classes engaging? Do you feel comfortable on campus? Can you see yourself thriving there for the next four years? Will this school help you take the next step in your life/career? These are the questions that matter—not how impressive it sounds when you tell someone where you’re going.
Remember: the college search is about finding the place that will help you grow, challenge you, and bring you joy. No two people’s paths are exactly the same, and that’s what makes this process so personal. Own your journey and trust that your unique search will lead you to the right place.
About Brian Hendricks
Brian Hendricks is the associate director of College Guidance at USM, and has spent more than a decade in the world of education. He is a former admissions counselor at Marquette University. He served as the director of college counseling at Carmel Catholic High School in Mendelein, Illinois and as a generalist school counselor at Wauwatosa East High School before becoming the director of college counseling at Divine Savior Holy Angels High School in Milwaukee. He is also a certified mental performance coach. Brian is a best-selling author, speaker, and father of three.